anxiety

The definition of anxiety: “a feeling of worry, nervousness, unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.”

My definition of anxiety is something that holds me back from the day to day life. Something that takes so much of my energy. Something that lives in my soul even though I’ve tried to make it leave.

The interesting thing that comes along with the anxiety I’m forced to feel is that this intense feeling is somewhat recent. Along with many other things that I blame on the pandemic of 2020, I believe the increase in this intense feeling has been a big effect that has come from Ms. Rona. I feel so socially uncomfortable whenever I find myself quite frankly anywhere. I think that after being basically locked up from human relations for so long, it was bound to happen (pls tell me im not alone in this lol).

My mind has always been a black hole of many, many thoughts that I cannot seem to get rid of. This has always why I have been fond of writing; it has become my best way of releasing these thoughts. When I started to get more and more anxious feeling, my mind was not scared to overthink every. single. interaction. I remember talking to my friend about an interaction I had just had when they explained that I was totally overthinking the whole thing. She explained that there was simply nothing to be embarrassed about. She calmed my nerves, and I realized how often I find myself overthinking the most simple things.

I find myself writing this mainly because I spent about 30 minutes in a tire shops’ parking lot before I finally convinced myself to walk inside and tell them about the nail I had in my tire (the one that has been there for about a month because not one part of me could bring myself to drive to this shop and get it fixed). Not to mention, I had to face time 2 of my friends before they finally got me to get out of my car.

Sadly, this is more of a common occurrence than it should be. I find myself anxiously sitting in parking lots, wasting my time on exhausting anxious feelings. I find myself wanting to cry whenever I notice someone look at me in a store.

I find that when I am alone I must be fully presentable to be anywhere near comfortable in public.

A big step towards overcoming this is the support I have from my friends. Like I said, I called 2 of them before being able to ask someone to fix my tire. lol I’m always able to lean on them when I need it, which I am so grateful for, but what if I’m not able to have them by my side.

Something I’ve found that helps me is slowly going places on my own. It started with one coffee shop that I attend multiple times a week. Once I started going there for homework and to read and write, I soon became a little more comfortable with going there and other places alone.

Another idea I’ve found useful was something that my friend told me just recently. She said that a video she saw explained that when you are overthinking something, to tell yourself “no” out loud. This prevents the problem in your head from becoming something to worry about before it even happens. As an avid over thinker, I found this advice very helpful. It’s important to remember that you are in control. You are able to stop the bad thoughts before they progress.

Anxiety is something I’m really struggling with, and I don’t want to pretend that it’s something that I’ve noticed and quickly got over. Some days I find myself locked under the sheets in my bed because I cannot handle the world (or my head) that day, and that’s okay! It’s so important to find the things that are holding you back and do your best to face them head on, but it’s important to understand what your body needs. When you need a break from reality, then take a break.

You’re awesome. If you’re struggling with anything like this, you got this. Life is so hard, especially right now. We’re all in this together.

These things are important to talk about, and I hope I can continue to bring some light towards tough subjects.