Trees fly past us and my eyes are captured by their beauty as if I had never seen a tree before in my life. As if I had never even seen the color green. The rain is making the scene even more beautiful, even if it’s making my boyfriend slightly more anxious on this drive. He’s no longer driving ten over the speed limit, and I cannot help but giggle at the focus on the road he has discovered. The focus that was definitely not there an hour prior, prior to driving into the rainstorm. I look at him and wonder if fate is real, but I don’t really care either way. He makes me happy and that’s all that matters. Honestly, it is. Not a lot of men have made me feel happy, it turns out. He understands me when I don’t even request to be understood. I never thought anyone could make me feel so comfortable.
The drive we were making is from Northern Utah to Portland, Oregon. Not my first time going to Oregon, but my first time to the big city within the state. My boy gave me concert tickets to one of my favorite artists for Christmas, and months later we were finally making the trip that we had been waiting for.
After the ten-hour drive, we finally arrived at our cute, little Airbnb. By little I mean little. I didn’t mind much, though. We giggled and joked about this being the real test of our ten-month relationship. Although we were joking and laughing, I think we both felt some truth within the jokes. We fit our suitcases and backpacks in the small, open parts of the ground, while still leaving room to walk from the bed to the bathroom. “I’m lucky there’s a window in the bathroom, cause I just know you would stink up this whole tiny home if there wasn’t,” I tell him. He jokingly pushes me and we continue to laugh.
That night we planned to dress up all cute and go to dinner, one of my favorite things to do, mostly because of the dressing up part. That plan went down south when the rain started to hit the windows that laid all over the front of the Airbnb. The sound of rain is one of my other favorite things. We decided to order pizza, get into different comfy clothes, and watch Jane the Virgin while also watching the rain drops trail down the windows. The fourth time watching the show, but now he has to watch it with me because it’s the best show ever. I love the way he gets invested in the storyline and knows all of the characters’ names. I fell asleep at some point and he must have turned off the T.V. because we didn’t wake up to an “Are you still Watching?” pop-up.
The next day was very planned out. I knew there would be a flea market that morning, I freaking love flea markets. I also knew we needed to try out Voodoo Donuts, ‘cause duh. We got me coffee, headed to the donut shop, and stood in line for a little while. The donuts were amazing, but I was slightly sad they weren’t more ‘picture worthy’. I know, I make fun of myself, too. We then headed to the flea market and my boy followed me around, supporting any purchase I wanted to make, even though I only ended up picked up a couple things.
I thought it was so interesting how different the styles were here compared to what I’m used to seeing at Utah flea markets. I really like how diverse each place is, that’s why I love traveling. Each place I travel to is not like the next and none of the ones I will travel to will be like the last. The people, the atmosphere, the style, it’s all different. We finished up there, went to a couple more stores, got a couple more things, and headed back to the tiny home for a little nap.
Then……. it was concert time!! I let my boy sleep a little longer, fixed up my hair and makeup, and ditched the outfit I had brought to wear for a sweet denim dress that I picked up at the flea market that day. I woke the boy up and he was instantly complimenting me. I had him choose which shirt to wear under the dress and we both agreed on a tan one. I helped pick out his outfit, and all of a sudden we were headed to the concert. I was so ecstatic, and he smiled at me like he was falling in love all over again. I love when he does that, it’s so cute. We find our seats, listen to the first act, and waited for Ella, aka Lorde, to come on stage. I’m pretty sure I was shaking. Finally, the crowd starts screaming as we see her silhouette through a screen. The girl next to us tried really hard to get Lorde’s attention, yelling, “I LOVE YOU ELLA,” every couple of songs. It, sadly, didn’t work. I hugged my boy with everything in me as I let my smile be as big as possible.
We sang and swayed and listened to the beautiful words. And then, the song Ribs came on. As soon as I heard the music start up for this song the tears started streaming down my face. I could still remember the first time I had heard this song. I had just drove to my best friend’s house, parked outside of it, and climbed into her bright red Jeep with her. We had just recently got our licenses. We felt like we had just got our freedom. It was a summer afternoon and the top of the jeep was off so the wind was allowed to style our hair however it wanted to. We were driving away from her house, just down the street, when she told me, “I have a song I have to show you.” Prior to this, I knew who Lorde was and listened to some of her music, but this one was new to me. I giggled at her as she screamed the lyrics that I was considerately listening to.
“You’re the only friend I need
Sharing beds like little kids
And laughing til our ribs get tough
But that will never be enough.”
I wasted no time learning every lyric to that song. We screamed it together often. Not only was the song just beautiful to listen to, the lyrics were equally as beautiful. They were still beautiful as I listened to them live, in similar and different ways. As I stood there, I felt like she was singing individually for me, even though I knew hundreds of strangers surrounded us. I felt like I was in that red Jeep with the top off and the windows down all over again. And then she sang,
“And I’ve never felt more alone, feels so scary getting old
I want ‘em back, I want ‘em back
The minds we had, the minds we had
How all the thoughts, how all the thoughts
Moved ‘round our heads, moved ‘round our heads.”
And I was instantly brought back to reality. I was no longer 16, instead, it had been three years later. I was an adult, I was no longer in high school, I was no longer chasing boys who would never understand me. I hadn’t seen that friend in months. I knew these lyrics, I had been singing them since I was 16, but all of a sudden they related to me more than they ever had before.
My lover laughed at my tears in a caring way. He wiped them away and kissed my forehead. I didn’t stop crying until the concert was over.
The next day we drove out to the coast and I admired the rain-covered trees while sitting in the passenger seat once again. I understood that I will constantly be changing. That things will affect me differently than they had before. That things will change and that is okay because it has to be okay. We have to grow and learn and experience. For the next couple of days we explored the coast, more of the city, rose gardens and book stores and coffee shops. We got churros and more pizza. We headed back home. I don’t think I was the same person coming home as I was going there, and that was okay.
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