what do you want to do?

Last week I wrote a post talking about feeling like a writer and wanting to start posting every week. This week’s post is going to piggyback off that one in a lot of ways. I want to start feeling more like a writer, but why is that important to me? Being a writer and a creative person usually starts with looking deeper into emotions. So, where did these feelings come from?:

I started a new job recently and it’s not something I’m using my degree for. Since I am meeting a lot of new people at this job I am constantly getting asked about myself, and then I get a lot of confusion when I tell them I have a degree in English. With that, I am often asked, “Well, what do you want to do?” I always just reply that I want to write. This also gets looks, and I feel very grateful to have a published book that I can use as ‘proof’ that I can write and that I am, kind of, doing something with my degree that I can actually physically show. As silly as that sounds. And, even though my book is not necessarily super successful, it is definitely not a New York Times Best-Seller, it does get people to understand what I mean when I say that I want to write. Or at least it usually stops them from further interrogation.

These repetitive encounters have got me to really think, though. I got my degree because I love writing and I wanted to grow that passion of mine. It was never necessarily to get a job, although that would be nice. It doesn’t feel extremely necessary to me. Sometimes I pretend it does, but in all honestly, it really doesn’t. And that might just sound crazy, but it was what felt right in my life, especially at the time. But, why do I love writing?

I’ve come to a couple of conclusions in my mind. Although I find it entirely satisfying to watch my fingers fly across the keyboard, or a pen tracing along the page, or just seeing my thoughts on the page, I don’t think these points necessarily satisfy the question. It, of course, needs to be a lot deeper than that.

Even though I have struggled with a lot of mental health issues over the years, I love life. I love living, even though there were moments when I wondered if I could live any longer. But I love life the most because we each are all able to have thoughts, aspirations, dreams, ideas, questions. I love writing because it is so unique and beautiful to bring these feelings to life and show the differences between humans, but also the similarities. Above all else, I love to document life. Each small and big moment shows importance, especially when writing.

If there even is an answer to the big question of what I want to do in life then, at least for now, I just want to live life and document it. I want to keep pointing out the small and large moments and creating art out of them. If I make a career out of it then that is all the better, but it is not something I want to dwell on. It’s not a large thing that I am going to constantly let weigh me down. And when someone asks, I will try to just say that.

It’s important to work towards a goal and dream and do everything in our power to get there, but it’s also important to let life take you where you are supposed to go.

These posts have helped me lay out what I’ve been thinking about writing and my creative slump. Now I can and will move on from the topic of writing. Next week will hopefully be more about those small and large moments. 😉