natileejo
how happy is it to be ambitious
After a morning of attempting to prompt myself into productivity, I had a thought. Why do I contain myself? I try to force myself into strict, full schedules to fill any second of my day because I fear a life that is unlived. The problem is that I end up not living up to the…
Keep reading
self-destructing
I have wondered lately where the line between dreams and reality is. If the line is blurred, or even possibly disintegrated altogether, then does that make life a dream? Or does that make a sad and dreamless life? If one achieves all of the hopes and dreams, do more come? Is life content? Is it…
Keep reading
dancing queen
The other day I randomly heard the song Dancing Queen and, as I was singing along in my head to the song, I realized that I did not dance enough to this song when I was 17. I know I definitely danced to it on my 17th birthday, and I probably listened to it right…
Keep reading
another introduction
In my last post, I talked about meeting a lot of new people and reintroducing myself over and over again as an aspiring- slightly accomplished- writer. When I first started this blog I wrote an introduction post. It contained less of what I had to say about myself and more about what others had to…
Keep reading
what do you want to do?
Last week I wrote a post talking about feeling like a writer and wanting to start posting every week. This week’s post is going to piggyback off that one in a lot of ways. I want to start feeling more like a writer, but why is that important to me? Being a writer and a…
Keep reading
feeling like a writer
I dearly miss the days when this blog was a place for me to blog my thoughts in a consistent and enriching way, and/or a way for me to show off physical journaling as well. Instead, it feels like a distant relative that you see once in a while and realize that the dread of…
Keep reading
feel the rain
A lot of my posts on this blog start with mentioning that I was in a rut, feeling very down and defeated, prior to diving into the story and/or lesson. It goes to show how sometimes you need to be down to realize how good the up is. I also feel like this is just…
Keep reading
i wrote a book and graduated college in 2023
Back in high school, I remember arguing with my sister-in-law about whether or not I was going to attend college. I told her over and over again that college was not for me. I felt too ambitious, I wanted to travel the world and see things I wouldn’t in my hometown. I wanted to run…
Keep reading
the new year
The satisfying numbers that this year held didn’t really live up to the expectations that I had for it. That statement is not to say that I had a bad, disappointing, or underwhelming year. But, the last thing I would consider calling this year was satisfying. I felt rushed a lot of the time, I…
Keep reading
present
I spend a lot of my thinking on my future. Where I’m going, how I’m going to get there, how excited and hopeful I am for it. I have such a vivid idea of where I want to go in life. Sometimes I’m really worried about whether I’m going to get to my ideal future…
Keep reading
last day of summer
Last day of summer, once again. It’s a weird feeling every year. I can’t even be that sad that it’s ending, I haven’t done much. A couple little trips, that’s something. It was kind of fun while it lasted. I was going to watch the sunrise today but I woke up too late. I used…
Keep reading
portland, oregon
Trees fly past us and my eyes are captured by their beauty as if I had never seen a tree before in my life. As if I had never even seen the color green. The rain is making the scene even more beautiful, even if it’s making my boyfriend slightly more anxious on this drive.…
Keep reading
sushi restaurant
I stumble into a sushi restaurant in the nearest big city to my hometown. About 30 minutes away. I’m alone and I have a panic attack parallel parking on the skinny street. Although I am fairly decent at parallel parking; I would say it’s the party trick that I rarely get to prove. Just merely…
Keep reading
frankenstein again
I am currently sitting in a cafe reading Frankenstein for the third time. At the age of 19, I think reading Frankenstein three times might be a little much. Especially when it’s not necessarily enjoyed by that 19-year-old. That being said, a lot is being learned still. The things being learned are not just from…
Keep reading
2/22/2022
(a day late oops) … maybe repetition isn’t so bad i’ll manifest today repeating 2’s is a message of hope balance trust i’ll make wishes at 11:11 who knows if it’ll come true repeating 1’s means new beginnings self assurance unity so i’ll manifest to that and to the repeating 2’s and 3’s and 4’s…
Keep reading
dad
he works hard and loses everything he works harder and loses more he still smiles really big ear to ear slightly crooked he’s a little insecure but it’s beautiful and everyone he knows knows it a smile filled with care and love and years of pain and growth and happiness of course “is your dad…
Keep reading
repetition
Maybe this is just becoming a place where I can write out my difficulties in life until they seem like lessons; until I can make the negatives turn into positives. I think that’s the reason I love writing so much. It’s the only thing that can repeat and repeat and repeat and I never get…
Keep reading
the moral of the story
Sometimes I just need a break. I need to sit back and be able to view the world in a beautiful way, the way it’s supposed to be lived and observed, rather than as a stressful and a never ending routine. A couple weeks ago I took that break a couple states away in sunny…
Keep reading
a year ago
On June 11 I received an email from FutureMe. A website that allows you to send an email to your future self. I vividly remember driving to my boyfriends house when the notification popped up on my phone. The memory of writing this had completely disappeared from my mind until I saw the title of…
Keep reading
attachment
Recently I’ve come to a strong realization of the way I tend to get very attached to things, people, ideas, quite possibly anything. I’ve formed this idea that obsession follows any strong attachment someone feels towards something; this idea is really rooted in the amount of trust you put into that something. An item I…
Keep reading
anxiety
The definition of anxiety: “a feeling of worry, nervousness, unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.” My definition of anxiety is something that holds me back from the day to day life. Something that takes so much of my energy. Something that lives in my soul even though I’ve tried…
Keep reading
stuck
a cat locked in a house sleeping all day in the sunny part of the home because the bright warmth makes it feel something when it cannot feel anything except for confusion of life’s purpose when the owner no longer longs to pet it since it has grown too old to be loved and excited…
Keep reading
scattered
“hey how are you?!” i don’t really know i do the same thing everyday school work homework school work homework school work homework i’m content i’m not happy i’m not sad i don’t know. “i’m good! how are you?!” my passion is no longer screaming at me maybe that means i’m not okay maybe it…
Keep reading
butterfly
you’re flying, but where are you going? paris, australia, greenland? maybe you’re just going down south for the winter. but, if I were you, i’d take those little wings and go everywhere i could possibly go. every continent, country, state, city. every little girls finger that would look at you like you’re the most beautiful…
Keep reading
eighteen
the angst of growing older with the uncertainty of tomorrow the distress from the yesterday and the vibrant room I feel locked in because the home on the doors reverse is dull and unfaithful towards the life inside. and the sunflowers that sit just outside the window bring nostalgia … reminiscing on the past youth…
Keep reading
july 2020
A couple days late, but honestly that’s how journaling felt this month for me. I had lots of ideas and little motivation to go through with them. Nevertheless I still love the outcome of my journal this month july july 1- I was featured in my cute friends first magazine. (go check it out! loveumoremagazine.wixsite.com…
Keep reading
Follow My Blog
Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.
natileejo.design.blog 