attachment

Recently I’ve come to a strong realization of the way I tend to get very attached to things, people, ideas, quite possibly anything. I’ve formed this idea that obsession follows any strong attachment someone feels towards something; this idea is really rooted in the amount of trust you put into that something.

An item I become very attached to are my dreams and aspirations, my hopes for the future. The past year I found myself feeling lost in this world. 2020 has been inherently pretty crazy for, what I can assume, most to all of us. The obsessive hopes and dreams for my future have been tossed, turned, a full 360, and changed so much that they have somehow actually become closer to my idea of perfect. Through this year I was so frustrated and overly upset at how things changed and how it felt like everything was slipping through my fingers.

When one becomes so attached, it’s hard for them to loosen their grip on what they’re holding onto…

Through the crazy year of 2020, I found my safe spot: a little hidden cafe that sits 15 minutes away from my home. It’s hard to explain, but somehow walking through the doors felt like I was escaping the crazy reality that I often tried to ignore. Whether I was reading books, trying to pass my online classes, or meeting up with friends, I soon got attached to this cafe (not to mention, the best iced white mocha I have ever had).

Fast forward, and they announce the permanent closure that would take effect at the end of 2020. Slightly heartbroken, I realized how attached I was to this place: the atmosphere, the people, the coffee, the days and days I had previously spend there.

And that leads me here, to writing about attachment.

I realized how we become attached and accustomed to things. Another realization was that another 2020 effect on me was how I have grown this fear of becoming attached. Through 2020, I realized how easily the things we love can be taken from our grasp.

As this year had come closer and closer to coming to a close, I saw my effort in trying to become numb towards things to avoid the strong attachments; assuming you cannot get hurt if you never cared in the first place. But I suppose my created fear behind attachment is really coming from the fear of abandonment.

“attachment is the source of all suffering”

buddha

But are we going to assume that feeling numb is better than caring? Being left is better than having in the first place?

We could, but let’s take moments in life and love them for the moment, not for the future. Don’t avoid attachment, but remember that the future is never guaranteed.

Embrace change and find lessons within it.

So, in 2021 I’m going to work towards embracing the way I get attached, and embracing the change that will no doubtingly come with it.