a year ago

On June 11 I received an email from FutureMe. A website that allows you to send an email to your future self. I vividly remember driving to my boyfriends house when the notification popped up on my phone. The memory of writing this had completely disappeared from my mind until I saw the title of the email. “A letter from June 11th, 2020.”

Tears were not shy to quickly fill my eyes. Before even getting the chance to read the email I tried to remember who I was and my life at that point. I already knew so much had changed since then. I was so confused (not saying I am not still a very confused young adult) and ambitious (..also not saying I am not still so ambitious) and I was so excited to see where life would take me.

As I drove I was so eager to read what I had to say, but reading while driving was not ideal and I didn’t really want to entertain the thought of reading it while reaching the destination of my boyfriends house. Instead I waited until I returned home that night. As I returned home and finally read the letter, the tears also returned (I guess I’m more of an emotional person than I thought).

The aged version of myself jumped straight into asking questions about the future. Since I technically cannot send a letter back to myself, instead I decided to answer the questions in a blog post, and then write another list of questions for the girl I will be in a year. One month later, I’ve finally contained myself into finally writing this blog post.

With nothing else to mention, here are the questions and answers:

“right now we’re in the blm movement! how did that end up turning out?”

I was first struck with the realization of how it had already been a year since the Black Lives Matter movement. I don’t have much to tell her except that equality does not happen overnight and I will never stop being an ally to people of color. I love how eager this girl was to hopefully hear good news, and the news I have for her is that we are still fighting for equality, for as long as it takes.

“yesterday i watched THREE psychic reading videos that said that a relationship was on its way this month. idk how much i believe that because i am so content with being single BUT we will see what the future hold ! hahahaha”

I can only giggle at this one honestly. I’m always believing in some astronomy, psychic things.

I think the only relationship that I found was only strengthening the relationship with myself. I had just had a heartbreak before writing this and I really started to try and love myself (with the occasional side hoes;) lol).

“anyways this summer seems like it’s going to be a lot of fun! i have a lot of trips planned and i’m working with my best friends! does this summer come ANYWHERE near close to how fun last summer was??”

Last summer was tons of fun! I don’t think there were as many trips as she thought there would be, but nevertheless they were still very fun, exciting, and spontaneous. It may have not gotten quite as close to the summer prior, but I still hold the experiences of the time close to my heart.

“how’s college going?? are you still just going to get an associates?”

If my memory is not failing me, then I believe I had JUST decided I was going to college like just before writing this. To the past me’s surprise, I loved college. The weirdest part of me loving college so much was that it was in the middle of the pandemic and I rarely had in person classes. And no, I decided to go further than just an associates. I actually finished my associates and decided to go further and get my bachelors. (who knows, maybe i’ll get my masters one day)

“and are you any closer to van life?! HOWS THE BLOG????? holy crap life could be so different a year from now. hmm i bet you’re still living at home huh. cool ig LOL.”

This is when the letter from my past self started to completely crush me. I am not much closer to van life if I am completely honest. It was something I really yearned for a year ago, and it slowly became less of a goal for me. I just pushed it to something I will hopefully still do years from now.

I had just started blogging when I wrote this and I was so excited. With school and life, the excitement slowly fizzled out. Instead I decided to get my bachelors in creative writing and started writing a book. I hope to get better at writing here still even though my writing goals have slightly shifted. But, for the sake of my past self, I do want to make writing here a bigger priority in my life.

I am still living at home lol. I am very close to moving out, though.

“OH! are you working on the river this summer?? or in lake powell??? i hope so! that would be so cool:)”

Sadly, I did not end up doing either of those summer away jobs. Instead I stayed home and stayed at the same job. This was another question that made me sad towards all the dreams that past me had that just didn’t turn out.

On the bright side, I love my current job and all the opportunities it has giving me.

“lastly, please tell me miss rona is gone by the end of summer.”

Nope. Corona Virus was not even close to being done with by the end of summer and only recently has started coming to a slow and long end.

And with that, past Natilee ended the letter saying,

“hmm i don’t think i have much more to say except for I LOVE YOU!! i really hope you make it to read this note… and the next note and the next note… i know it gets really hard sometimes but i believe in you! me? LOL hahaha anyways see you soon!”

… until next year:)